I enjoy making my videos, but I just never know I should make them about, I am thinking that I will do my next video about what I did in 2012, I know its basically February now, but I don't really care, I just think its something that I can do and it will let people see into my life, which is what vlogging is about I think. And to be quite honest 2012 was a great year for me. I did get up to quite a lot of stuff which will give me some things to talk about. Not sure when I will be making my video, it will be either today or tomorrow.
Also I had an idea of something that I could do for each video. Between each video that I make I will tech myself something, so for this video I have learnt how to do the cup song beat from pitch perfect, so I will be able to showcase something different in each video.
Thursday, 31 January 2013
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
I'm awful in these situations...
Even though I have been through depression, self harm and being suicidal, when I am trying to help someone through it I never know what to say. It's the same with anorexia, I went through it, but I just don't have a clue what to say to other who are to make them feel better.
I guess it might be because I had no one to talk to about any of it so I didn't know what people would say to me, but I knew if they did it wouldn't make a difference, I would still hate myself and want to be thinner and not want to be alive.
I hope that one day I will know what to say, I guess mainly its comforting, listening and reassuring that people who are going through these things. But if anyone who is going through these issue and need someone to rant at or just talk to then I will be more than happy to try and help you as much as I can.
To get in contact with me go to my Tumblr page and leave me a message, I will not judge and I will help as much as I can.
I guess it might be because I had no one to talk to about any of it so I didn't know what people would say to me, but I knew if they did it wouldn't make a difference, I would still hate myself and want to be thinner and not want to be alive.
I hope that one day I will know what to say, I guess mainly its comforting, listening and reassuring that people who are going through these things. But if anyone who is going through these issue and need someone to rant at or just talk to then I will be more than happy to try and help you as much as I can.
To get in contact with me go to my Tumblr page and leave me a message, I will not judge and I will help as much as I can.
Sunday, 27 January 2013
Cup song...
My little sisters taught me the cup song yesterday, it is unbelievably addictive. If I'm near a cup I will do it! I can't control myself.
So saying I still haven't actually seen Pitch Perfect. I really need to.
So saying I still haven't actually seen Pitch Perfect. I really need to.
Saturday, 26 January 2013
Good night...
Tonight I spent my evening at a friends house with my two best friends, we got a Chinese take away and had drink and chocolate. It was good to just have a nice evening and spend time with them and chat, it's been such a long time since I last saw them together and we got to speak properly, so I'm happy now.
I love these two, Fern and Martha, they are the two people who are there for me most and they will always look out for me no matter what the situation. It's great to know that I have two such amazing friends. When I go to university I don't know what I will be able to do without them. It has taken me so long to be able to be myself around them, even them I can be awkward and stuck for conversation with them. I don't know how I will be able to make friends like that again at university, I'm too socially awkward and I am way to bad at making conversation, I will end up spending most of my time in my room worrying and being lonely, I already know it. I hope there will be someone nice in my house that I can at least talk to.
Anyway, the highlight of my night was going on omegle and having a laugh, messing around and generally just enjoying ourselves. We meet and spoke to a few nice people on there, there rest were all about the penis or the boobs, but it was still funny and I'm glad I went out tonight. It's put me in a good mindset about myself for a while.
Sam.
I love these two, Fern and Martha, they are the two people who are there for me most and they will always look out for me no matter what the situation. It's great to know that I have two such amazing friends. When I go to university I don't know what I will be able to do without them. It has taken me so long to be able to be myself around them, even them I can be awkward and stuck for conversation with them. I don't know how I will be able to make friends like that again at university, I'm too socially awkward and I am way to bad at making conversation, I will end up spending most of my time in my room worrying and being lonely, I already know it. I hope there will be someone nice in my house that I can at least talk to.
Anyway, the highlight of my night was going on omegle and having a laugh, messing around and generally just enjoying ourselves. We meet and spoke to a few nice people on there, there rest were all about the penis or the boobs, but it was still funny and I'm glad I went out tonight. It's put me in a good mindset about myself for a while.
Sam.
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Of Monsters and Men
Right now I cannot stop listening to Of Monsters and Men, Their album is truly incredible and will be the album I listen too all year, I already know it.
The songs on the album are all so well written and the lyrics are perfection. My favorite song off the album is either 'Dirty Paws' or 'Your Bones'. They are amazingly well written and the stories in the songs are just amazing!
The sound the group have is so original and I am just so thankful to the people who select music at my work or I would probably have never heard of them.
The songs on the album are all so well written and the lyrics are perfection. My favorite song off the album is either 'Dirty Paws' or 'Your Bones'. They are amazingly well written and the stories in the songs are just amazing!
The sound the group have is so original and I am just so thankful to the people who select music at my work or I would probably have never heard of them.
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Where I'm at and I have been...
So at this moment in time in my life I am 18, on a gap year and working for a clothing store called Fat Face to same money for when I go away to university at the Cambridge school of arts in September of this year. I will be studying photography, but lets not focus on that, I want to talk about now.
The past year or two have completely changed my life and because of it I am so much happier. I guess as I am talking about present, I should tell you my past so that it makes sense. From the age of roughly 10/11 I struggled with my sexuality, this was not easy, growing up in a christian family where I was taught homosexuality is a sin and you shouldn't be homosexual. But from the age of 10 I started to become attracted to boys, rather than girls, this confused me loads as I didn't understand and I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just suppressed the feelings as best I could. This worked for a year or so and then these feelings, that were always really there, came flooding back and I couldn't do anything about it, I had no one to tell, no one to talk to, not even God because I believed that he hated me because of it, so again I took the tactic of suppressing the feelings. This again worked for about a year, and by this time I was 14 and understood what was going on more, but still without anyone to talk to and at this age was not great, it leaded to depression and feeling suicidal, I still kept everything to myself and had girlfriends so nobody would think that I was gay, eventually I decided to tell myself that I was bisexual. This made me more comfortable in myself and lead me to eventually coming out to my best friend, she accepted it and still loved me the same way, this was such a confidence booster as I felt that I could be myself a little more around her. However soon enough the fact that I was gay soon lead to more issues, I started to get very depressed, started cutting, was suicidal, and just generally hated everything about myself. This went on for about a year when I found a friend who I could tell everything, who was going through a similar problem, and he helped me to become comfortable with who I am and accept the fact that I am gay and that it is what was intended.
Now I am out to my parents, we don't ever speak about it but I wish we did every now and then, but I am happy that they know, and I am much happier with myself now, more than I have ever been. Of course I have days where I am low, but I get by and I know that I will be alright eventually. It does get better.
Yeah so that's basically what I have gone through and where I am now with my sexuality and life, but I hope this helps people to see that things will get better and its not always going to be a crap life of you hating yourself. It gets better.
Sam.
The past year or two have completely changed my life and because of it I am so much happier. I guess as I am talking about present, I should tell you my past so that it makes sense. From the age of roughly 10/11 I struggled with my sexuality, this was not easy, growing up in a christian family where I was taught homosexuality is a sin and you shouldn't be homosexual. But from the age of 10 I started to become attracted to boys, rather than girls, this confused me loads as I didn't understand and I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just suppressed the feelings as best I could. This worked for a year or so and then these feelings, that were always really there, came flooding back and I couldn't do anything about it, I had no one to tell, no one to talk to, not even God because I believed that he hated me because of it, so again I took the tactic of suppressing the feelings. This again worked for about a year, and by this time I was 14 and understood what was going on more, but still without anyone to talk to and at this age was not great, it leaded to depression and feeling suicidal, I still kept everything to myself and had girlfriends so nobody would think that I was gay, eventually I decided to tell myself that I was bisexual. This made me more comfortable in myself and lead me to eventually coming out to my best friend, she accepted it and still loved me the same way, this was such a confidence booster as I felt that I could be myself a little more around her. However soon enough the fact that I was gay soon lead to more issues, I started to get very depressed, started cutting, was suicidal, and just generally hated everything about myself. This went on for about a year when I found a friend who I could tell everything, who was going through a similar problem, and he helped me to become comfortable with who I am and accept the fact that I am gay and that it is what was intended.
Now I am out to my parents, we don't ever speak about it but I wish we did every now and then, but I am happy that they know, and I am much happier with myself now, more than I have ever been. Of course I have days where I am low, but I get by and I know that I will be alright eventually. It does get better.
Yeah so that's basically what I have gone through and where I am now with my sexuality and life, but I hope this helps people to see that things will get better and its not always going to be a crap life of you hating yourself. It gets better.
Sam.
Tuesday, 22 January 2013
Snow Walk
My latest vlog in which I go for a walk in the snow and talk at a camera/to myself about nothing.
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