So at this moment in time in my life I am 18, on a gap year and working for a clothing store called Fat Face to same money for when I go away to university at the Cambridge school of arts in September of this year. I will be studying photography, but lets not focus on that, I want to talk about now.
The past year or two have completely changed my life and because of it I am so much happier. I guess as I am talking about present, I should tell you my past so that it makes sense. From the age of roughly 10/11 I struggled with my sexuality, this was not easy, growing up in a christian family where I was taught homosexuality is a sin and you shouldn't be homosexual. But from the age of 10 I started to become attracted to boys, rather than girls, this confused me loads as I didn't understand and I didn't know what to do with myself, so I just suppressed the feelings as best I could. This worked for a year or so and then these feelings, that were always really there, came flooding back and I couldn't do anything about it, I had no one to tell, no one to talk to, not even God because I believed that he hated me because of it, so again I took the tactic of suppressing the feelings. This again worked for about a year, and by this time I was 14 and understood what was going on more, but still without anyone to talk to and at this age was not great, it leaded to depression and feeling suicidal, I still kept everything to myself and had girlfriends so nobody would think that I was gay, eventually I decided to tell myself that I was bisexual. This made me more comfortable in myself and lead me to eventually coming out to my best friend, she accepted it and still loved me the same way, this was such a confidence booster as I felt that I could be myself a little more around her. However soon enough the fact that I was gay soon lead to more issues, I started to get very depressed, started cutting, was suicidal, and just generally hated everything about myself. This went on for about a year when I found a friend who I could tell everything, who was going through a similar problem, and he helped me to become comfortable with who I am and accept the fact that I am gay and that it is what was intended.
Now I am out to my parents, we don't ever speak about it but I wish we did every now and then, but I am happy that they know, and I am much happier with myself now, more than I have ever been. Of course I have days where I am low, but I get by and I know that I will be alright eventually. It does get better.
Yeah so that's basically what I have gone through and where I am now with my sexuality and life, but I hope this helps people to see that things will get better and its not always going to be a crap life of you hating yourself. It gets better.
Sam.
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